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YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE DESI'S WHEN....
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1) When your parents own a convenience store.
2) When your parents own a motel.
3) When your mom makes a Mexican meal and tells you to count the number
of Taco Bell packets in her purse.
4) When they peel the stamps off letters that the postal service
missed to mark up.
5) When they buy 2-ply toilet paper and they tell you to use only 1 ply
at a time to make it last.
6) When your mom comes home with napkins stuffed in her purse of the
restaraunt she last ate at.
7) When you become part of that viscious clan who recycles wedding
gifts.
8) Take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No food allowed."
9) Make indian food on the beach wearing saris.
10) Wear shorts with dress socks and tennis shoes.
11) Try to use coupons that expired 5 months ago and argue when the
store doesn't accept them.
12) Tear off the expiration dates of expired coupons and then argue
that it accidently happened and that they are still valid.
13) Eat half of a pizza at a restaurant and then complain that it wasn't
made right (I want refund!)
14) The famous: "hamburger, no meat; water, no ice; 3 cups; and 18
ketchups please."
15) Talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
16) Then inviting them back in to sit and drink more tea, and then
going through the same routine all over again.
17) Loading up the family car with as many indians as possible when
it's a "pay per car" entrance fee.
18) Renting movies and splitting the cost with 2 other families and
having the last family return it.
19) Taking 30-45 minutes deciding which indian movie to watch when it
only costs 25 cents!...then asking for a refund when it sucks.
20) When you see a bath pail in a stand-up shower or tub.
21) When everyone gets the same Christmas present...a "buy one get
one free" special.
22) When people show up late to a function...just in time for the
food!(Indian Standard Time).
23) Plastic covers anything new in your parents' house whether it is
the remote control to the VCR or the new livingroom couch.
24) Your parents only go straight when driving with both hands on the
steering wheel and they notice nothing but the road in front of them.
25) They have one of these three cars, an Olds Cutlass Ciera, a Honda
Accord or a Toyota Camry. (the rich ones drive a Lexus or a Mercedes.)
26) When family friends come over, you have ten conversations going
on in the same room at the same time very loudly.
27) You eat dinner on the floor covered with newspapers when company
comes over. (so that we don't ruin the carpet...)
28) Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but
they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles
and Aunties" will think.
29) You've never owned white clothing because it will be hard to take
stains out of it. (That's what mom says.)
30) You have a collection of used wrapping paper and bows that have
been saved for re-use.
31) Your bio-data and picture have been circulated more than on
your resume.
32) Your parents won't let you attend college outside of your hometown
because you might actually date members of the opposite sex!
33) (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop
top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
34) (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home
at 11pm
35) You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you
go
36) When you were little you always wondered why your American friends
waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did
it first thing in the morning
37) Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you
38) To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not
as a grooming aid
39) Wearing deodarant is optional
40) When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents
in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within
one foot of each other
41) Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work
with just stop when trying to read their names
42) Your parents hate the British
43) You have annoying nicknames like Chotu
44) Your parents call all your friends "Baytay" whether they are Indian
or not
45) People you call "uncle" always smell up the bathroom at parties
46) If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing
their hands and proclaim that it's too late
47) You have never met half of your extended family
48) Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't
stand them
49) Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
50) A horoscope must decide your wedding date
51) Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
52) Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son
53) You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"
54) Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they
tried
55) You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried
56) You sound like "Apu" on the Simpsons.
57) You own a 7/11 or a motel with a name like "Roadside Inn."
58) One or both of your parents skipped at least one year of elementary
school.
59) In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the
wheel without a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the
pedals.
60) You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know,
but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO
resemblance to anyone YOU know.
61) Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and
try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
62) They have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like they're
kids'
social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on
in your checkbook.
63) your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
64) your dad is some sort of engineer or doctor
65) your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying
you were 12 when you were really 15
66) you ask you parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later
they're still lecturing
67) you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
68) everyone thinks you're "Indian" no matter what part of South Asia
your ancestors were from
69) you've had a bowl haircut at one point
in your life.
70) your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends'
kids.
71) you've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian
women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
72) your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
73) you drive mostly Japanese cars.
74) you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock
bottom.
75) you know what's going to happen in every hindi movie before it
happens
76) you've never gotten little red envelopes around February.
77) piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and
closet doors.
78) you're father and grandfathers have hair on their ears
79) 'idiot people' try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian
languages
80) your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
81) at least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
82) your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12
midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied
even more."
83) your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the
street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
84) an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your
mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
85) your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
86) your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
87) everyone thinks you're good at math.
88) you like $1.75 movies
89) you like $1.50 movies even more.
90) your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing From Asia
with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make nosense, in
great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular
lime green.
91) your parents insist you marry within your race.
92) you either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really
want to stay away from it
93) your parents have never kissed you
94) you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than
your parents
95) "You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have
shoes!!"
96) you have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie
and Uncle."
97) you have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your
father's side
98) at expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water
for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
99) your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and
say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
100) the vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses.
Thick glasses.
101) you will most likely be taller than your parents.
102) your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or
both.
103) you get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you
don't
104) when going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a
gift.
105) your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the
ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
106) your family owns a tennis racquet.
107) your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael
Chang)
108) the furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the
carpet,the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
109) you have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown
substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
110) you own a rice cooker or two
111) you buy corn oil by the gallon.
112) your family owns butcher knives bigger
than your head.
113) your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to
school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how
much they still appreciated going.
114) your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so
you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."
115) Say open or close the light
116) Say toilet instead of restroom
117) Say chok-o-late
118) Say Hullo instead of Hello
119) Say Vot for What
120) Peel a chickoo before eating it
121) Everthing you eat is sauteed in garlic, onion and tomatoes
122) Try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum
foil.
123) You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by
pressing your tongue against them and
125) making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tschick, tschick or pphht
126) Nibble a toothpick like dessert
127) Turn around when some one says pssst
128) Can say hello by simply raising your eyebrow
129) Automatically shorten peoples name even though they are already
short.
130) Know some one named either, bobby, inky, pinky, chinky, or tinku.
131) Are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport
132) Arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it is normal
133) Snap your fingers while dancing in a group
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WAYS TO TELL A BLACK-WANNABE DESI IN CHAT ROOMS
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1) ThEiR pRoFiLe LoOkS LiKe tHiS....
2) Every other word they use is "DA BOMB"
3) When you ask where they from, somewhere in there answer is
"represtin"
4) They call you "NIGGA"
5) You can't understand, or look up, one word they say
6) You can tell they failed "ebonics" class
7) Somewhere in their profile they have to say "word up" to at least
25 of their "peepz" whatever that means
8) In the India rooms they not only say they're da bomb, but they
have to scroll the whole screen with it (just to make sure we all know
chat they're "niggas")
9) They ask certain people to press a number repeatedly
(ex. All desi hooches press 55555555555555555555555)
10) They don't live in cities, just "sides" and "coasts"
11) Any Indians in New Jersey or Queens, NY
12) In their profile the quote is a line from a rap song
13) Then they "diss" you for actually reading their profile
14) They're searching for something called a "fly chick" or a "fyne
thang"
15) Just looking at their profile gives you a headache
16) For some reason they're proud to call themselves dogs
17) Their screen name contains one of the following: a bunch of x's,
DJ, NY, FLY, QT, JATT, DAWG, anything with a "z" at the end
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FAMOUS INDIAN ADDENDUM TO THE ABC'S
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A America
B Based (i like to use BORN instead, here)
C Confused
D Desi
E Escaped
F From
G Gujarat;
H Housed
I In
J Jersey;
K Keeping
L Lotsa'
M Motels
N Named
O Omkarnath
P Patel;
Q Quickly
R Reached
S Success
T Through
U Underhanded
V Vicious
W Ways;
X Xenophobic
Y Yet
Z Zealous
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TOP TEN LINES USED AT A BHANGRA CLUB
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10) I have 10 more silk shirts like this one.
9) Are you attached or unattached?
8) I know a great place where they serve "cholay" by candlelight.
7) You look as sweet as a "jalabee".
6) If I were a raja, I'd make you my rani.
5) How would you like to be my "galabjamun"?
4) How're you doing my little laddoo?
3) Say, aren't you box 205, fair,slim, attractive and university
educated?
2) "Oh kiddan, babe?" (How's it going babe?)
1) "Tera pind kerha?" (Which village are you from?)
AISHWARYA RAI | RANI MUKHERJEE | SONALI BENDRE |
KHARISHMA KAPOOR | KAJOL |
EDITED PICTURES |
DESI HUMOR | MISCELLANEOUS HUMOR |
ABOUT MYSELF
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