PIRATES OF THE COFFEEBEAN
A R C H I V E  A N D  R E A D E R ' S G U I D E

Accurate as of Friday, September 1 at 12:50 AM EST

Search for your Jewels Amidst the Treasures of the Archive



SUGGESTED READING

Jules' Introductory POTC Stories and Character Descriptions
Mrs. Mac's Map of Caretaker Island


LATEST DISCOVERED TREASURES

September 1
 Jason's Stranger Saga archived.
August 21
Diane declares "Oh What a Beautiful Morning! Or: Coffee, Anyone?"; Jason gives Talia Celestial a "Makeover!"
August 14
D's Equinox
July 29
Ronit's Borg Barbie, A Map and the Drunken Sailor.
July 19
Jules' Water, Water, Everywhere... Including In The Rum.

THE CASTAWAYS

Kathryn Janeway
An officer in the Royal Navy, Captain of the HMS Voyager
Chakotay
Pirate captain of the SS Maquis
Tuvok
Janeway's First Lieutenant, infiltrated SS Maquis and became Chief Gunner
B'Elanna Torres
First Mate of the SS Maquis
Tom Paris
Navigator with disgraceful past
Harry Kim
Junior mid-shipman aboard the HMS Voyager hailing from Nottinghamshire, son of a textile merchant
The Doc
Musically inclined physician aboard the HMS Voyager
Kes
Waifish pearl fisher living on Caretaker Island
Neelix
Ship's cook, itinerant beachcomber and Kes flunkie
Mademoiselle Seven de Neuf
French woman who had been raised by Borg Pirates; when she returned to French society, founded the band Borg Barbie
Aeryn
First officer of the pirate ship Chiana
Angelo Tassoni
Former crewmember aboard the HMS Equinox, stripped of rank by Janeway
Arandis
Hostess at the Smoky Herring
Ayala
Mute pirate aboard the SS Maquis
Azantine
Member of the French band Borg Barbie
Bendera
Crewmember of the SS Maquis good to have in a bar brawl, killed in the Terikof Shoals
Brian Sofin
Former crewmember aboard the HMS Equinox, stripped of rank by Janeway
Branobrag
Liliocampan who captured Harry Kim and intended to make him the central attraction in his show; favors spectacle rather than substance 
Calico Mack
Former Scottish Jacobite pirate, currently a fisherman living in Port Suffolk; married to Madame Maxine
Cavit
First Mate aboard the HMS Voyager upon leaving port; killed in the Terikof Shoals
Chell
Crewmember aboard the SS Maquis
Colleen
Pixie-like girl who spent some time on Palau Tiga
Sister Darla
Con-woman who, under the pretenses of raising money for an orphanage in San Francisco, sold Neelix a barrell of watered down rum
Elimondo Garak
Political manipulator and General of his own private army
Emony Dax
Limber second cousin to Kurzon, lived aboard the Trill
Eric the Bad
Captain of the pirate ship Chiana
Señor Evek
Captain of a Spanish galleon that pursued the SS Maquis
Ezri Dax
Jadzia's second cousin; part of Kurzon's crew aboard the Trill
Gigi
Officer on the pirate ship Chiana
Madame Guinan
Bartender at the Blue Parrot
Hayes
Lieutenant aboard one of the ships pirated by the Equinox
Dr. Henri Quarren
French intellectual and socialite; an expert in cultural history
Ichebine
Member of the band Borg Barbie
Ironbeard Mike
Gruff former pirate who took a shining to Kathryn Janeway, currently Calico Mack's fishing and drinking buddy who makes a home with his wife in Hackett's Cove, not far from Port Suffolk
Jadzia Dax
Quartermaster aboard the Trill; cousin of Kurzon
James Morrow
Former crewmember aboard the HMS Equinox, stripped of rank and made to serve aboard the HMS Voyager
Jarvin
Pirate aboard the SS Maquis injured in the Terikof Shoals, possibly peg legged
Jean-Baptiste Weyoun V
French Chief Minister; part of a long line of Weyoun family public servants
Jenny Delaney
Infamous pirate serving aboard the Chiana
Jerilor
Budget conscious associate of Branobrag; skeptical about the practicality of keeping Harry Kim on as an attraction in their show
Johan Belar
Dutch composer known for his fierce temper
K'Afee
Klingon Indian astrologer; a drifter far from her tribe
Kaze Jabin
Corrupt governor of Caretaker Island
Kira d'Archanis
Devout follower of the Prophets
Kurros
Eastern European philosopher shrouded in mystery
Kurzon Dax
An old sea-salt and devoted fan of the band Borg Barbie
Madame Maxine
Proprietor of a fine cat house in Port Suffolk, married to Calico Mack
Marla Gilmore
Former crew member aboard the HMS Equinox
Max Burke
First Officer of the HMS Equinox
Megan Delaney
Infamous pirate serving aboard the Chiana
Mezotine
Member of the band Borg Barbie
Mikhael Eddington
Russian anarchist and revolutionary
Miranda Jones
Brilliant, beautiful and blind scientist
Mortimer Harren
Scottish theoretician and wet blanket
Dr. C.B. Mosset
French physician with a penchant for opera
Noah Lessing
Crewmember aboard the HMS Equinox
Admiral Owen Paris
Tom's father, commanded the HMS Al-Batani aboard which Kathryn Janeway served
Pillemik
Liliocampan in the showbiz industry, a former associate of Jerilor and Branobrag
Quark
Disreputable barkeep of Quark's Bar
Rebinia
Member of the French band Borg Barbie
Rudy Ransom
Captain of the Equinox, a science vessel that began pirating fellow English ships
Ripley
Officer on the pirate ship Chiana
Sandrine
Proprietor of Chez Sandrine
Stadi
HMS Voyager navigator, a Welsh woman and would-be conquest of Tom Paris; thrown overboard in the Terikof Shoals
T'Pod
Female pirate; became a crewmember aboard the SS Maquis who discovered and named the stowaway Roxy
Talia Celestial
Waifish gypsy girl from Bajor Bay, also known as Celeste
Lady Templeton
Brutal English housekeeping expert; a regular at Madame Sandrine's salons
Duke of Tieran
Deposed leader of a small Germanic principality
Torias Dax
Kurzon's nephew; served, with the rest of his family, aboard the Trill

THE VESSELS

HMS Al-Batani
Vessel where Kathryn Janeway served with Admiral Paris
Alixia
Neelix's trusty little ship
HMS Bradbury Vessel that captured Tom Paris
Cardassia
Señor Evek's ship, chased the SS Maquis into the Terikof Shoals
Chiana
Erik the Bad's pirate ship
HMS Equinox
Small English vessel dispatched to catalog plants and insects; lost at sea
Krenim
Mysterious vessel known to be spotted in the Necric Triangle
SS Maquis
Chakotay's 47 year old pirate ship, thrown off course in the Terikof Shoals  (See: SS Ogla)
SS Ogla
Small Kazon ship seized by Chakotay's band of pirates, rechristened the SS Maquis  (See: SS Maquis)
HMS Rose
English ship that was pirated by the HMS Equinox
HMS Thistle
English ship pirated by the HMS Equinox
Trill
Ship whose crew included Kurzon and Jadzia
HMS Unicorn
English ship pirated by the HMS Equinox
HMS Victory
Former posting of both Cavit and Paris; involved in an incident off the Caldek Islands
HMS Voyager
A ship in the Royal Navy, 179 ft. long with a maximum beam of 41 ft., drawing 21 ft. of water, under the command of Kathryn Janeway. Dispatched to recover Tuvok and apprehend Chakotay's crew.

ANIMALS AND OBJECTS

Adapt to This
Borg Barbie's critically lambasted follow-up album to Collective Agony
Bawbee
Scottish sixpence; used by Scottish pirates in the 18th century.
Beer
Beverage popular aboard pirate vessels
Bijou
Tom's calico cat
Bilander
Type of pirate ship
Borg Barbie
Seven de Neuf's provocative, trend-setting rock group
Collective Agony
Borg Barbie's multi-platinum debut album
Corsairs
Type of pirate
Dutch Hoy
Type of pirate ship
Farscepa Borough
Flavor of the month in Liliocampa's pop culture, beat Branobrag's production at Season's Festival in competition last year 
Hard Tack
Type of biscuit
Leola Root
Pungent vegetable, a favorite of B'Elanna Torres
Oatmeal
Greyish gruel served aboard the HMS Voyager
One
Borg Barbie's first hit single
Rark
Type of fishing ship
Roxy
Short for "Rock Sea", Madame Maxine's cat, adopted by Torres
Whipperyams
Term referring to the demographic sub-group of young males in Liliocampan society; are believed to be a desirable demographic by greedy showbusiness producers

CREWS AND NATIONS

Royal Navy
The naval arm of the British military, masters of the sea
Dala's Talent Agency
Management of Mademoiselle Seven de Neuf's band Borg Barbie
Klingons
People belonging to a distant tribe of Indians; B'Elanna Torres' mother was a Klingon Indian Princess
Liliocampan Mutation
Formal name of the Liliocampan public body
Liliocampans
Pixie people who saved Harry Kim's life; only about nine inches in height
Portuguese
People from the western European nation of Portugal; B'Elanna Torres' father was of Portuguese descent
Sisters of San Francisco Orphanage where B'Elanna Torres spent most of her adolescent life after the capture of her parents at the hands of the Cardassians; once used as part of a cover story for a conwoman known as Sister Darla
Romulans
Those part of a tribe of Indians known for scalping their victims
Spanish
People from the sea-faring western European nation; Señor Evek was the captain of the Cardassia, a Spanish ship which pursued the SS Maquis into the Terikof Shoals

SCURVY SEA TALK

"Hempen jig"
Pirate-speak for "hanging"
"Swing on Tyburn tree"
Reference to being put to death by hanging

MAP POINTS

Alpha Sea
Large body of water to the east of Caretaker Island
Bajor Bay
Isolated inlet on Caretaker Island, original settlement of a displaced group of spiritual people
Banea
Island where Neelix did business; was a common trading partner of Numiri
Blackman's
Clothing store in Port Ocampa
Blue Parrot
Bar in Port Ocampa; operated by Madame Guinan
Caldek Islands
Site of Tom Paris' disgrace
Cartagena
Coastal site, not far away from San Francisco
Cataati Slums
Run-down area of Caretaker Island near Port Ocampa
Caretaker Island
Isolated island, known to be frequented by pirates
Chez Sandrine
Establishment outside of Marseilles known by Tom Paris
Delta Sea
Large body of water to the west of Caretaker Island
Hackett's Cove
Small settlement close to Port Suffolk
Kessik
Merchant trader town where B'Elanna grew up under the guardianship of her mother
Lake District
Area of England where Tom went sledding as a boy
Liliocampan Bay
An inlet on Caretaker Island; presumed to be mythological
Marshalsea Prison
Site where Tom Paris was interned; penal facility located in London
Montapar
Capital city of the Liliocampan Mutation
Necric Triangle
Oceanic region where many ships have been lost
Numiri
Island that frequently traded with Banea in importing and exporting essential supplies
Ocampa Caves
Cave formation on Caretaker Island
Palau Tiga
Population: 16
Port Array
Site located on the eastern side of Caretaker Island
Port Ocampa
Small settlement on Caretaker Island; home to Kes
Port Suffolk
Small but lively harborside town, home to Madame Maxine's cat house 
Quark's Pub
A popular portside drinking establishment frequented by sailors
Ring Coves
Site close to Port Array
Santa Marta
Site located on the coast, used as a reference point by Neelix in locating San Francisco
Smoky Herring
Tavern where Borg Barbie cut their teeth doing live performances
Terikof Shoals
Treacherous area; site where the SS Maquis became lost
Vidiian Pocket Coves Geological feature abundant on Caretaker Island toward the Delta Sea, often serving as home to a tribe of cannibals
Vulcan Sea
Body of water known for its calmness
Westmore's
Cosmetics store located in Port Ocampa

THE FISH STORIES
(in recommended reading order)

The Stowaway by Mrs. Mac
After being lured on to the SS Ogla after it puts in at Port Suffolk, a mysterious stowaway is witness to Chakotay and his band of pirates commandeering and re-christening the vessel.
The Storm by Jules
The SS Maquis, a pirate vessel under the command of Chakotay, becomes thrown off course after being pursued by Señor Evek.
Water, Water, Everywhere... Including In The Rum by Jules
Neelix faces the scorn of Madame Guinan, proprietor of the Blue Parrot, when she realizes that he's delivered to her watered down rum that he acquired from a manipulative con-woman.
Borg Barbie, A Map and a Drunken Sailor by Ronit
After their debut performance in a seedy tavern, the members of the French band Borg Barbie are bestowed with a mysterious map fragment from a pleasant, if inebriated sailor.
The Jailbird by Jules
Kathryn Janeway attempts to enlist the help of Tom Paris, an imprisoned ex-pirate, in helping her locate the SS Maquis.
Setting Sail by Shawnster
As Janeway prepares to put to sea, Tom Paris is escorted to Voyager by Stadi and upon stepping aboard the vessel, finds a chilly reception from all except a young midshipman.
The Storm by Shawnster
While Tom continues to come to terms with serving on Voyager, the ship becomes heavily damaged and many of its crew are lost in the wake of the Cardassia's fiery destruction in the Terikof Shoals.
Shipwrecked! by Mrs. Mac
Trapped in the Terikof Shoals, Chakotay tries to keep the SS Maquis together as his ship and crew begin to fall apart.
Rescue! by Mrs. Mac
After being separated from the SS Maquis during the storm in the Terikof Shoals, B'Elanna is rescued by two unusual but oddly appealing lobster fishers.
Celestial Guidance by Jason
Hoping to escape her life on Caretaker Island, Kes seeks out the guidance of a mystic but instead finds kinship in the waifish young woman she encounters.
Makeover! by Jason
Talia Celestial sheds her gypsy robes in favor of a Kes-esque swimsuit, but nonetheless Kes finds that the task of transforming Celeste's image involves more complications than she expected.
The Stranger Saga by Jason
When a mysterious stranger washes up on the shores of Caretaker Island, Kes and Talia Celeste have a fight on their hands to see who can win the affections of the island's newest resident.
Dredging Up by D'Alaire
Still hoping to find the SS Maquis and her missing crewmates, B'Elanna Torres continues her association with Calico Mack and Ironbeard Mike and comes to encounter Tom Paris, who has likewise been separated from the HMS Voyager.  As they search for their missing ships, both are forced to recall the defining events in their lives that have lead them to their current circumstances.
Harry Kim's Travels by D'Alaire
Harry Kim comes to consciousness finding himself separated from the HMS Voyager and at the mercy of a ruthlessly greedy showman who intends to make him the main attraction in his carnival exhibit.
Sandrine's Salon by Jason
Europe's most prized intellectuals gather at Chez Sandrine's in Marseilles where they discuss Mademoiselle Seven de Neuf's remarkable fifteen minutes of fame, her subsequent flame-out and mysterious disappearance.
Time Gap
Her First Time by Ronit
For the first time as a pirate, Janeway leads the HMS Voyager into a rousingly triumphant battle against the Spaniards.
Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!  Or: Coffee, Anyone? by Diane
The Voyager crew's early morning enjoyment of coffee is interrupted by a looming threat on the horizon: a tidal wave that washes up a striking and mysterious young woman.
The Ghost Ship Krenim by Ronit
After noticing an unusual notation on Neelix's map of the Necric Triangle, Janeway inquires about the Krenim, a mysterious ship known to be spotted in the region.
Equinox by D
Janeway and her crew encounter a lost English vessel, whose crew they soon discover have been committing immoral acts of piracy.


Comments, questions, and other feedback to the administrator can be sent to Jason Davidson.
<jasond7@home.com>
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