The Complete History of Crochet
Genesis of Yarn
In the beginning, the heavens were void, and the earth was formless. Then God made a new creation, and called His creation Man. And it was good. But Man was lonely, and Man was cold. So God caused a great sleep to come upon Man. When he awoke, Man beheld Woman. And Woman was already up and walking around, with a grave countenance, and she spoketh to Man: "Why are you still laying around in bed when I've been busy cooking and cleaning and begetting children?". And there was weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Man told God of Woman's displeasure. Lo, God saith: "That gal needs a hobby." So God spoketh and created a sheep, and cotton, and a wide range of natural and synthetic fibers. He gathered the fibers in skeins, and bringeth them together unto one place. God called the place "Michael's", and He saw that it was very good.
God placed the Man and the Woman He had made into this Paradise, and the Woman was delighted in all her senses. She bowed to worship while Man searcheth out an automotive department. Man saw that no automotive department was to be found for him, and there was great weeping and gnashing of teeth.
It came to pass that Woman beheld the mysteries of crochet. She created many good things for Man to clothe his body. Man was warm, but now he was also hungry, and desired for his stomach to be filled. He asked of his wife the hour of the evening meal, whereupon Woman saith to him, "Can't you see I'm working on a layette for our new baby? Just one more row and I'll be right with you." Her thoughts remained with her; she had in mind to say, 'He thinketh he is the only Man on Earth', but she spoke it not.
Upon the dawning of the following Spring, Man beheld his wife crocheting a cord pull. Man inquired: Woman, what reason have you to crochet a cord pull? Light bulbs and electricity will not be invented for another 9700 years." Woman was not angered. She, with a comely smile, spoketh thus: "Husband, I have created these things for my stash, lest I be unprepared for events untold."
It came to pass that Man had seen the light. He must have commited sins of great wickedness, for God meted out his punishment: Man must live out his life among the tangled web of a woman who crochets. And Man weepeth and crieth out to God: "Couldn't you just kick me out of Eden or something?"
CHEERS, and may all your projects be frogless!
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