Quips and Quotes

Some of these are humorous and some are thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy all of them!

Simply Silly Sayings

A 7/4/06	B-C 6/12/06	D-E 6/12/06	F-H 12/1/05	I 6/12/06
J-M 4/5/06	N-P 6/12/06	Q-S 6/12/06	T-V 7/4/06	W-Z 6/12/06

Here are 5 "Quips and Quotes" That Really Tickled Me!

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.
That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved - and never will achieve - its full potential, that word would be
... "meetings."

We could learn a lot from crayons ...
some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ...
but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant ... unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

Silly Questions

A-H
12/11/05

I-T
6/12/06

U-Z
4/5/06

Question for Only the Deepest Philosophers
5/19/02

And, the silliest question of all ...

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Quotable Quotes (by Author)

Men might as well project a voyage to the moon as attempt to employ steam navigation against the stormy north Atlantic Ocean.

Dr. Dionysus Lardner (1793-1859), Professor of Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, University College, London.

But, don't believe all the "quotes" you ever see ... Check out:
Questionable Quotes at Snopes

A 4/5/06	B 7/4/06	C 7/4/06	D 7/4/06	E 4/5/06	F-G 4/5/06	H 4/5/06	I-K 7/4/06
L 4/5/06	M 7/4/06	N-O 7/4/06	P 4/5/06	R 7/4/06	S 6/12/06	T 4/5/06	U-Z 7/4/06

Famous Last Words

I drank what? Socrates
Come on! How many Indians could there be over that hill? General Custer
I don't suppose we can expect any rain today??? Joan of Arc, May 30th, 1431

Dave Barry
4/5/06 Marion Barry
4/26/04 George W. Bush
12/15/04 Winston Churchill
12/11/04

Sam Goldwyn
4/26/04 Bob Hope
6/19/05 Jay Leno
6/12/03 Groucho Marx
7/4/06

H. L. Mencken
7/4/06 Dan Quayle
4/5/06 Ronald Reagan
12/11/05 Will Rogers
4/5/06

Andy Rooney
4/26/04 Rita Rudner
10/14/04 Jerry Seinfeld
4/26/04 Mark Twain
7/4/06

Steven Wright
4/5/06 Corporate Wisdom
6/19/04 Proverbs
4/5/06 Publications and Media
11/12/04

Unknown
9/20/04

Computer Quips Updated 11/23/03

I often wonder ... What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?
Marilyn Pittman

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world ... those who understand binary and those that don't.

Daffy-Nitions

New Words Updated December 11, 2004
Ten Words That Don't Exist, But Should Updated July 26, 2001
Financial Terms Updated March 2, 2000
Sounds Like Updated March 4, 2000
Doggy Definitions Updated April 15, 1999
Job Glossary Updated January 10, 1999
Corporate Vocabulary Updated August 1, 1999
Medical Terminology Updated January 10, 1999
Legal Terminology Updated September 2, 1999
Political Glossary Updated February 2, 1999

Telecommunications Dictionary Updated February 20, 2003
Glossary of Computer Terms Updated February 20, 2003
Definitions for Everyday Parents Updated May 22, 1999
Dictionary of Dating Updated July 2, 1998
Marriage Definitions Updated March 2, 2003
Woman's Dictionary Updated April 11, 1999
Definitions for Common Household Tools Updated October 8, 2001

General Daffy-Nitions
A-B Updated November 23, 2003
C Updated May 13, 2002
D-F Updated November 16, 2004
G-J Updated May 26, 2004
K-M Updated May 26, 2004
N-R Updated May 26, 2004
S-Z Updated May 26, 2004

The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Optimist sees only the bagel.
Pessimist sees only the hole.
Pragmatist just eats the bagel.

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!

Have you ever seen geese migrating south in the winter?
Have you ever noticed that they tend to fly in a V-formation?
Have you ever noticed that one side of the V tends to be longer than the other?
Do you know why that is?
More geese on that side.

Other Quips and Quotes

Are You Dyslexic? Updated August 11, 2002
Helpful Hints Updated January 27, 1999
Murphy's (and Other) Laws Updated July 4, 2006
Some Thoughts on Love and Marriage July 4, 2006
Office Quotes Updated April 27, 1998
Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned in Corporate America Updated April 27, 1998
Rules of Chocolate Updated June 20, 2002
You Know You're Getting Old When ... Updated May 26, 2004
Signs of the Times Updated January 27, 2003
Strange Classified Ads Updated October 8, 2001

If you liked these, then also check out Silly Lists.

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Dave Barry 4/5/06	Marion Barry 4/26/04	George W. Bush 12/15/04	Winston Churchill 12/11/04
Sam Goldwyn 4/26/04	Bob Hope 6/19/05	Jay Leno 6/12/03	Groucho Marx 7/4/06
H. L. Mencken 7/4/06	Dan Quayle 4/5/06	Ronald Reagan 12/11/05	Will Rogers 4/5/06
Andy Rooney 4/26/04	Rita Rudner 10/14/04	Jerry Seinfeld 4/26/04	Mark Twain 7/4/06
Steven Wright 4/5/06	Corporate Wisdom 6/19/04	Proverbs 4/5/06	Publications and Media 11/12/04
Unknown 9/20/04

Quips and Quotes

Last updated July 4, 2006