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ON KNOWING THE HOUSE RULES
ON THE REBEL IN THE SYSTEM
ON THE ART OF THE DESCRIPTION
ON FURTHER RESEARCH
ON THIS PAGE :
THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT TINYSEX [Guest Speaker]
ON THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN TABLETOP RPGS AND MUSHES
PLAYERS CAN CARE AND FEED FOR MUSHES TOO! [Guest Speaker]
ON THE TYPES OF POWERPOSING
ON CANNED SPEECHES
| ON THEME | ON CHARACTERS | ON CONSENT |
| ON ADMINISTRATION | ON CODING IDEAS | ON GEOGRAPHY |
| ON COMMUNICATIONS | ON ROLEPLAY | ON MAGIC |
| ON IC ORGANIZATIONS | ON TINYPLOTS | MAIN PAGE |
Send feedback on these pages HERE.
NOTE : THIS CHAPTER IS PRINCIPALLY AIMED AT MALE ROLEPLAYERS.
Once upon a time, when I was just a Newbie to the whole mushing scene, I was trying to get established on a certain Fantasy mush. My first character there was a young swordsman looking for work. He was also looking for a chance to be a Righteous Avenger hunting down someone who had murdered his family (please don't tell me you've heard that one before!) but that part never worked out. Anyway, I figured my alt ought to have a radically different approach to life so I could amuse myself by switching back and forth. That ruled out professional warriors and grim avengers, for starters . . . I began pondering alternatives, thinking of some of the other stereotypes I had encountered in popular fiction and what might be done with them.
One very common type which I had always loathed was what I called the "Rhett Butler Type." (That's a reference to GONE WITH THE WIND, in case you haven't read it). Such types seemed disgustingly common in mass-produced romance novels, and were usually included most of the ingredients in the following recipe :
Tall, dark, handsome. Rich and of an aristocratic family (especially in Regency Romances). A war veteran, usually an officer. And as regarded his attitude towards women : a total jerk. Usually in the habit of seducing and abandoning them at whim, and utterly confident that his dashing good looks, smooth voice, cynical approach to life, etc., were totally irresistible to any young woman he tried to seduce, even if she denied it. What was even worse (from my point of view) was that as such novels progressed, it usually became painfully clear that he was absolutely right about his devastating effect on the heroine, despite his contemptuous attitude toward her. This didn't seem very realistic (I hoped).
I had NO intention of trying to create and play such a character, which would pretty much require finding a female PC to fall madly in love with him so he could treat her like dirt whle taking her utter devotion for granted; but I DID think it might be fun to create a parody of this stereotype and have him act as if he THOUGHT he was irresistible to women and could sweep them off their feet with his charm, then I would watch the ladies he met laugh in his face or whatever they felt like doing. I figured it would amuse female RPers to participate in that sort of thing, especially if there was already a surplus of "Rhett Butler" types in the world of mushes, something on which I had no data as of yet. I also suspected that my own approach ("Look at the silly would-be Casanova! Isn't he pathetic?") would be fairly original.
Looking back on it today, I am amazed at the accuracy of my own instincts, considering my total lack of mushing experience at that time. Natural genius, I suppose. Or dumb luck. Or some of each . . .
My character, called Laurent, started hanging out at the local bar. To make sure people got an early hint that his flirtatious manner was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, I started his description with something like this: "Laurent is outrageously handsome and knows it, with chiseled, aristocratic features . . ." Who could possibly take that popinjay seriously?
So Laurent started hanging out at the local bar, chatting with attractive women at every opportunity. His frequent smile revealed dazzling teeth. He posed a deep, sweeping bow with a flourish of his expensive cloak every time a woman entered the room. And his conversation showed he was an arrogant idiot who firmly believed he was irresistible because he had loads of money AND a noble title to bolster his natural good looks.
Man, did women enjoy slamming him! Ignoring him, insulting him, slapping him, on at least one occasion STABBING him (that one was just a foolish misunderstanding! He was a victim of circumstance! Really!). Despite which, he never seemed to get the point that perhaps there was something wrong with his whole approach to the flirtation problem. No, clearly there was always something wrong with the brain of the particular WOMAN who was foolishly rejecting him! He was a running joke in the Bar, where he livened things up a bit. Occasionally people reported laughing out loud in RL at some of his antics.
None of this bothered me because I wasn't looking for an IC Romance per se, I was merely looking for any sort of amusing Roleplay that could be found with anybody handy, and that was exactly what I got. Women might not be ICly attracted to him but at least they would often RP with him if we found ourselves seated side by side in the local Bar, and so everybody was OOCly happy. If a female RPer had taken the initiative and paged me with a suggestion for a Romantic TinyPlot that could teach Laurent a lesson, or some such thing, I would have been willing to discuss the subject, but I was having fun the way things were and certainly *I* wasn't incessantly paging the ladies with unwelcome suggestions along those lines.
Why have I taken so much trouble to explain the IC and OOC philosophical attitudes behind the creation and RP of good old Laurent, Every Girl's Dream Come True (According to Himself)? Because I have since come to the conclusion that Laurent was remarkably successful at getting RP precisely because he was a conscious parody of the sort of Caveman Courtship Attitude with which many male RPers have annoyed female RPers in the past, and the fact that it was pretty clear OOCly (as I freely admitted to anyone who inquired) that he was MEANT to be a "punching bag" for those he ICly annoyed gave his targets the chance to work off some frustrations incurred from repeated dealings with other offensive male strangers who OOCly AND ICly didn't realize (or didn't care) that they were being offensive.
You're probably familiar with the humorous stereotype of "Caveman Courtship," but I'll spell it out for you just to be on the safe side. Big tough Caveman wakes up one morning and leaves his cave to go looking for a mate. He finds a likely-looking female and hits her over the head with his club. He drags her back to his cave and now considers her to be his property. End of courtship. Gosh, wasn't that romantic? Brings a tear to your eye, I can tell.
What you may not realize is that female RPers (or at least people RPing female characters, but in my estimation, based on experience on many mushes and assuming everyone who ever mentioned their RL gender to me was telling the truth, over 90 percent of all characters are being controlled by a Player of the same sex) often feel about as shocked at some of the unsolicited suggestions of an intimate nature which they get from male players as they would feel if you simply tried to hit them over the head with a club.
Here are a few things NOT to do.
Don't log onto a mush and immediately start paging other characters with suggestions relating to any sort of "romantic entanglement" that your two characters might pursue together.
Don't propose marriage ICly the first time you RP with a particular character of the opposite sex. Nor on the second time. In fact, unless you really WANT the other person to RP a reaction which strongly indicates her conviction that you're in severe need of a psychiatrist, don't propose marriage ICly at all until you have a pretty good OOC understanding that it might be accepted, or at least seriously considered (the lady is never under any obligation to tell you in advance what she will say when you pop the question, not even in a simulation), which in turn requires an adequate IC buildup so that, as a matter of consistent characterization, the proposal won't come as a complete and/or unwelcome surprise to the recipient. Unless for some odd reason she actually encourages you to hurry through the courtship process, an adequate IC buildup does NOT mean your characters have spent maybe 1 or 2 hours roleplaying together in a couple of different scenes and you're getting impatient. What it DOES mean is harder to define, but don't make a total fool of yourself by assuming that as soon as she ICly smiles at you, she is ICly falling in love with you.
Don't assume that Powerposing in a "romantic" or "humorous" way will be tolerated by people who would object to any other sort of powerposing. Examples : hugging and/or kissing somebody else without her prior consent, i.e. posing it as "Rhett suddenly grabs Scarlett and crushes her in his arms as he kisses her passionately." This does NOT stir warm and tender feelings in the heart of the other person; it's likelier to get you accused of being a Caveman again. Some male Rpers seem to assume that once a flirtation, or even a romance, has been established between the male and female chars, it is perfectly all right for the male to powerpose successful hugs, kisses, etc., anytime he feels like it, instead of posing the ATTEMPT as is the more common practice in IC interactions between two people. Don't count on it unless she specifically says it's all right to do that from now on.
Things that might actually work:
If you feel the desperate need to find a congenial person with whom to RP some sort of romance (ranging from the platonic, to a gradual courtship and perhaps a wedding, to a purely physical affair although I can't say I recommend that one), try a more passive approach to advertising.
Mention your search on a BB if there's one appropriate to Character Want Ads (sample : "Middle-Aged Duke of Plaza-Toro, white male, good physical condition, distinguished appearance, wealthy, seeks decorative young wife for participation in social gatherings and political TinyPlots.")
You could put something about it in your @doing or in your @finger, so that people who actually care can observe your romantic availability without feeling that you are nagging them about it with direct questions they don't want.
Having done these things, sit back and wait for a flood of responses (mailed or paged) to come in from total strangers over the next few days. If you are in the habit of talking to yourself while waiting for mail, you might sound like this :
"Flood? Hello, flood? Where are you?"
(Later) "Well, if not a flood, perhaps a nice steady wave? Ten or so?"
(Later) "Hmm. No wave? How about a trickle? Or at least ONE encouraging response?"
(Later) "NOBODY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? DIDN'T THEY SEE MY LONELY-HEARTS AD?"
You had best assume that they did see it. But you also have to face the fact that they just aren't INTERESTED. Especially if you're so new on the mush that nobody knows anything about you, such as whether or not you have the slightest talent for generating amusing RP.
Conceivably someone will actually answer your ad with an encouraging note about how she's at loose ends and might be willing to flirt with you and see what developed - and your ad has the advantage, at least if it's on a BB, of potentially coming to the attention of more people than are actually online at the time you start your frantic hunt for a mate. The ad will still be there after you log off. If you do get a favorable response, congratulations and now you can worry about devloping the relationship step by step.
But take my word for it - if none of the ladies active on the mush answers a general ad of that nature, it means they will NOT be more receptive if you page all of them in turn and make your pitch, saying to each one in succession, "Darling! I fell in love with you the moment I read your character description on my terminal! Say you will be mine!" For one thing, they've probably heard it all before. And it made them nauseous the first time, and it hasn't improved with repetition.
But even if you had enough common sense to avoid the nasty habit of paging total strangers with declarations of love (or lust), let me list some of the possible reasons they aren't feeling receptive to your ad when they read it - or, for that matter, why they aren't feeling receptive to a more personalized suggestion, IC or OOC, if you find yourself making one
1) A female character is already romantically involved with someone else, as you probably could have learned if you had taken a day or two to keep your eyes and ears open and pick up local gossip. Frankly, the higher the Male : Female ratio on your mush, the higher the likelihood that any attractive young female PC who WANTS a romance has already found one before you ever popped up.
2) The Player has already decided that her female character will NOT RP any romantic entanglements in the immediate future (for any of a variety of reasons) and has no intention of making a radical change in her plans just to accommodate a stranger.
3) The female character is already very busy in ongoing, satisfactory RP with friends, not necessarily having any romantic connotations whatsoever, and just doesn't have TIME for you, even if she might be willing in principle to RP a bit of romance IF she had nothing better to do.
4) She doesn't KNOW you, doesn't know if RPing any sort of emotional entanglement with your character would be a satisfactory experience, and would greatly prefer that you establish a "credit rating" for yourself on that mush over an extended period of time as an energetic, courteous Roleplayer in other sorts of activity BEFORE you make any drastic suggestions which basically require her trusting a stranger to pull his own weight in creating a mutually rewarding experience..
5) Personal reasons. Something about you, you personally (as represented in your OOC comments, ads, etc.) or even you ICly (something about your character) repels her.
Now, am I saying that you should all do what I once did and play carbon copies of good old Laurent? Perish the thought! That would get old really fast if many people did it simultaneously, and besides, his chances of EVER finding true happiness (romantically speaking) on that first mush were extremely low, frankly. But I am suggesting that you bite the bullet, recognize that nobody's likely to fall madly in love with you, even ICly, at first sight, and design your character (as I did) so that you can enjoy yourself RPing his daily interactions with a variety of people WITHOUT your feeling that if he doesn't find a love interest right away, there's absolutely nothing for him to do. If you take such an inflexible attitude then you are shooting yourself in the foot.
Instead, you should try to get integrated into the community. Socialize. Participate in TinyPlots (create them yourself if necessary, once you know ALL the relevant rules, policies, etc., on your chosen mush).
If your character is prone to physical violence, you might agree to lose a few fights (within carefully defined limits) to adversaries with more seniority on the mush who are of the mindset that seems to say, "The thought that my character could ever lose a fight is utterly ridiculous!" They'll probably be grateful for the chance to beat somebody up, and their OOC opinions of you will probably rise a bit as a result of Pavlovian conditioning, i.e. they learn to associate "RP with you" with "A pleasurable sensation."
Establish name recognition, so that most of the regulars on that mush eventually know who you are, and have at least a rough idea of your OOC attitudes and intentions for future roleplay, as well as a fairly good grasp of what your character is supposed to be like ICly if they care. Be courteous to everybody OOCly, and even ICly unless there are compelling reasons not to be in a particular situation (or unless your character has a nasty disposition and you've decided romance isn't too important to him after all), and eventually some RPer with a female character may decide that there are worse things in life than roleplaying with you every now and then, and may ICly flirt with you a bit just for practice.
If you immediately propose marriage ICly (or something less formal) then you've probably just made a colossal fool of yourself. Really! Let things take their course. It's highly likely that flirtation is as much as you're going to get from her, but at least it's roleplay and that's the name of the game. If things seem to develop towards true friendship, etc., you might (or might not) start OOC negotations concerning just where you would like to see things go, but don't get bitter or noisy or offended if it becomes clear that things ain't going anywhere.
I will repeat that : DON'T GET BITTER OR NOISY OR OFFENDED IF IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT THINGS AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
I repeat it because of the frequent complaints that many Male Roleplayers react VERY stupidly to this sort of thing, they apparently not understanding the difference between OOC friendship and IC romance, and thus saying to themselves: "She rejected me! That means she HATES me! She has maliciously damaged my fragile self-esteem for no good reason and thereby declared herself my Enemy, deserving no mercy! THIS MEANS WAR! Now I am going to OOCly slander her and spam her and insult her, and if the local rules permit PKilling I will hunt her down and DESTROY her!"
I find it difficult to believe that anybody would go to such trouble to prove to the world that he's an utter idiot, especially over one stupid conversation in what's only a GAME, but just because I can't understand it doesn't keep it from happening. You are well-advised to take the philosophical view. Reflect that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Remember that if you want to maintain ANY possibility of eventually finding some sort of IC romance on this mush, you will do well to treat ALL the ladies courteously so that your reputation doesn't scare them away. Keep in mind that if you intend to continue with online Roleplay for a lengthy period of time, on this particular mush and others, you will need to develop tolerance for a great many things, and having somebody say "No" to your suggestions is a problem that will come up over and over again, so you had better learn to live with it. And while you are letting all this run through your head, DON'T type any messages that indicate you are now angry at her. For that matter, keep in mind that just because her character and yours aren't going to start dating anytime soon doesn't mean you can't still be friends in non-romantic RP if opportunity permits. Saying, "I don't want to RP falling in love with you" doesn't necessarily mean "I don't want to RP ANYTHING with you ever again, ICly or OOCly, you beast!"
So swallow your pride, indicate calm acceptance of her decision, and live with it. Who knows? If you make a sufficiently good impression in the way you handle the "rejection," word may begin to circulate among the female RPers that you are "safe" to RP with, without there being much risk of your abruptly taking a Caveman attitude and ruining a nice relaxed friendly moment with some ridiculous requests/demands/insults. (However, trying to assure this by asking a casual acquaintance to circulate such rumors about you, so as to improve your romantic prospects, is probably a tactical error. DON'T DO IT. It creates a bad impression).
Other points to recall : if you decide your character is "Gallant" in the sense of always trying to show special consideration to women, be sure to check out each potential recipient. Preferably by studying the character description, although using +finger might also save you from some common errors.
Some of these errors which have happened before and will probably happen again - usually to people who didn't take the time to read a stranger's description, but learned to regret it - are :
1) Mistakenly assuming that a character is female based on your decision that the name "looks" feminine. Even I have fallen into this trap a few times. If you bow to Dana and hold the door for "her" and say, "Ladies first!" and then it turns out that Dana has a long white beard, you've made quite a mistake.
2) Mistakenly assuming that a female character is young and/or attractive. If you bow to Esmerelda and speak flirtatiously to her . . . and then someone finally points out to you that Esmerelda is described as looking like the Wicked Witch of the West on a REALLY bad day, except your PC doesn't seem to have noticed her ugliness at all, you've made another mistake.
3) Mistakenly assuming that a female character is in any way receptive to flattery or flirting. Suppose she looks tough-as-nails, wearing armor and carrying a sword, and clearly not the kind of woman who will be favorably impressed by (fill in).
4) Mistakenly assuming that a female character is ICly old enough for it to be halfway reasonable to flirt with her, or otherwise address her as an adult. A fair number of Players have characters who are only 10 years old (or a little older, or a little younger) and you'll look downright ridiculous if your RP makes it clear that you haven't noticed she isn't anywhere near being an adult yet.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS . . .
Or you could even create a female alt, make her young and pretty, and see what sort of unsolicited propositions YOU start getting from male RPers, and how you feel about it. The experience might be more educational than any platitudes I happen to utter here.
INSPIRATIONAL READING:
ROMEO AND JULIET, by William Shakespeare. Good video stores will probably have the recent film version with Leonardo DiCaprio, and might well have the also-excellent 1968 version with XXX and YYY.
A classic love play, but please note that within the space of a single IC week, the young idiots met for the first time, fell in love, made passionate speeches to each other, were married, consummated the marriage, were separated when Romeo went into exile, and were reunited in a crypt where each committed suicide due to his/her conviction that the other was already dead. Yes, within a WEEK. Now, Shakespeare's haste in keeping that romance moving at breakneck speed was understandable when you reflect that he only had a few HOURS of stage time in which to communicate a complete story to the audience before they went home, but mushing takes a different approach. You presumably want your character to last a long time, which means you have to take it slowly enough that there will still be something interesting to do with him next week, next month, even next year. No whirlwind courtships today with the marriage tomorrow afternoon, please! Because THEN what will you do for fun, now that the clandestine lovers' meetings are over?
The other great romantic play of my acquaintance is CYRANO DE BERGERAC, by Edmond Rostand. Sometimes I think it's more brilliantly done than ROMEO AND JULIET . . . then I start doubting again. Tough call. Anyway, it was made into a film with Jose Ferrer in the title role, for which he won a well-deserved Oscar. Now, THIS play takes place over a much longer period of time (ICly), and Cyrano didn't declare his love to the beautiful lady in the first act, which is ALL I'm going to tell you about it because its plot is not as famous as ROMEO AND JULIET's plot has become, and I want you to have the thrill of discovery. Check it out and learn how to be romantic without being a Caveman!
Both of these plays should be available in any self-respecting library of a reasonable size.
NOTE : This material was kindly contributed by Rhonda Peters, aka Saidar@Tales_of_Ta'veren Mush.
I think it's important for people to know a few things before they consider getting involved in this sort of RP.
1. It's optional. If someone ever tries to persuade you that you "have to" as part of the theme, or suggests you must comply to be promoted or whatever, don't believe them. If they're rude or pushy about it, or really do hold you back from promotions or something, report it to the wizards. If the wizards condone or promote that sort of behaviour, be aware that this is NOT the norm on most games, and you can try another game if you don't feel comfortable with that.
2. Communicate. If someone starts getting more intimate in RP than you feel comfortable with, tell them. People's comfort levels are very personal and range widely. What seems lewd to you might seem playful to another, and vice versa, so you really need to communicate when you feel uncomfortable, as the other person might honestly have no idea. If the person persists after that point and you feel you're being harassed, then take the matter to the admin. If you arrange to RP a romantic relationship with someone, state your boundaries up front - you'll RP appropriate public affection, but anything more intimate than that is "fade to black" (assumed to have happened, but not RP'd), etc. Conversely, if you prefer to have romantic relationships include TS, let the other person know. Then if you have different tastes you can dissolve the relationship before both of you have expended a lot of RP effort, or figure out some other mutually satisfactory conclusion.
3. MUSHes hide identities. If you're going to engage in TS, you must remain aware of this: you can never know for sure who the player behind the other character is. They might be 8 or 68, male or female, and of any ethnic or religious persuasion. If you would find it deeply disturbing to discover you'd engaged in intimate RP with someone of a certain age or sex, the safest thing to do is not to TS, because people lie about their age and gender online ALL THE TIME.
4. TS isn't always "secret". People can make logs of any RP activity or discussion. There have been incidents where people showed TS logs to their friends, or even posted them on newsgroups. Skilled coders can code objects to observe people without their knowledge. Wizards can set the game to log all activity and commands.. (Few games do this, the amount of output in such a log is staggering. It is occasionally done to try and find hackers.) Wizards have the ability to move around the game set DARK, although on many games there are policies for wizards about the acceptable use of DARK. If you're going to TS, learn how to use the @sweep command. But if you'd be mortally embarassed by someone else seeing your TS RP, the safest way to protect yourself is not to TS.
5. Underage MUSH sex can be illegal. Although the CDA didn't stand up in court, many countries already have laws related to sexual activity with minors, and TS might be considered "sexual activity" under those laws. If you are younger than the age of majority in your country of residence OR the country where the MUSH equipment is based, you have a responsibility to let your TS partners know that, so they can decide for themselves whether or not they wish to break the law. You should also be aware that engaging in illegal activities puts the entire MUSH at risk of being closed down. Is a little TS worth the loss of a game you like?
6. You always have a failsafe. No one on a MUSH need ever be forced into something they are uncomfortable with. If someone won't stop unwanted behaviour when you ask them to, just log off. If the admin of that game won't address the problem when brought to their attention, log off and go try another game.
