Yet Another Comics Site 

_____In response to the question of whether or not Doctor Doom was indeed Marvel's Most Nefarious Villain, I decided to go right to the source and interview the man himself, Victor Von Doom.

NWJ: So, Doctor Doom, many people think that you're Marvel's Number One Bad Dude. I'm here to discuss that point.

Doom: None equal Doom!

NWJ: But you did lose to Dazzler.

Doom: The Enchantress, the Hulk, and Galactus lost to Dazzler. Besides, Doom merely let her think she won, as part of my complex plot to conquer the world!

NWJ: Right. Snicker. Conquer the world. It says here that you've actually already done that several times, using neuro-mist, the Purple Man, and a few other methods.

Doom: Correct, for to use force is for ordinary men. Doom conquers the mind!

NWJ: So why aren't you still the ruler of the world?

Doom: I'm not? Oh, right, right. I'm not. You've got free will. Snicker.

NWJ: I- HAVE- FREE- WILL- AS- DOOM- COMMANDS.

Doom: Well, what can I say? Ruling the world just isn't for me. It's nothing but work, work, work. There's no fun in staring at a chess board once you've won the game.

NWJ: So why do you keep trying to conquer it?

Doom: It's a hobby. I need something to do on weekends. And my therapist said it would be good for me to have something to divert myself from the horror that is my face, my mother being in Hell, and my miserable love life. Not that Doom needs therapy! Therapy is for lesser men, not Doom!

NWJ: Oh. Now, even if your myriad defeats by everyone in the Marvel Universe, including Dazzler, were all "part of a master plan", there's still your ongoing failure to defeat Reed Richards.

Doom: Richards? Richards! That imbecile is not a worthy opponent for Doom! He is a fool, a talented amateur perhaps, but to say he is Doom's equal?

NWJ: Uhh, Dr. Doom? I was just asking about why you haven't killed Reed Richards yet.

Doom: Oh. Well, the answer to that is a secret. Honest.

NWJ: THE- ANSWER- IS- A- SECRET- AS- DOOM- COMMANDS.

Doom: But really, I sort of think of Richards as a pet. He runs around through my hoops to amuse me, and occasionally I throw him a treat. Like the time he thought that Kristoff was ruling Latveria.

NWJ: That was when the you in Latveria was Kristoff, and the you in the real world was a Doombot, and the you that was you...

Doom: Club Med.

NWJ: Right.

Doom: Although I didn't get much of a tan.

NWJ: The armour must have hurt your sun exposure.

Doom: Hey, yeah, that would explain it.

NWJ: So you were telling me about Kristoff.

Doom: So I said to myself, Doom, why not let Richards have some fun thinking you're being hounded from your own country while you relax and catch some rays. After all, poor Reed has always been frustrated that even after I "lose" I still rule a country. Some defeat. I always went home crying, right. Snicker.

NWJ: So that whole thing was just to buck up Reed's ego?

Doom: Yep. As a mere man Richards needs stuff like that. Only Doom is above such things.

NWJ: Well, how about the Infinity Gauntlet and Infinity War, both of which featured you mere moments away from ultimate power.

Doom: What's your point?

NWJ: Well, what happened?

Doom: Listen, I've HAD ultimate power. Secret Wars ring a bell? How many people can say that? Can you?

NWJ: Well, actually, in 1993 I briefly possessed several Cosmic Cubes, and used them to-

Doom: Never mind. The point is that I lost it because a whole bunch of people ganged up on me, not through some neurosis about being unworthy. Doom has no neuroses! Doom is supreme!

NWJ: But re-acquiring it remains on your long term plans?

Doom: Yes. I hope to actually reverse time, thus erasing from existence every comic published by Marvel since New Mutants #87. If I have to rule a world, it isn't going to be some whiny mutant filled muddle. Clear stories, that's my promise. Classic stuff, like Stan and Jack did. Hero meets villain, pounds his head in while bantering. I mean, remember when I ruled the micro-verse? That was a comic story. Or when I first stole the Power Cosmic? Wasn't that cooler than having Reed Richard's father impersonate me?

NWJ: And people call you a villain.

Doom: Who dares?

NWJ: Richards, I swear, not me.

Doom: Of course, I could just travel back in time using my time machine. Did Richards ever invent a time machine, by the way? Huh, did he?

NWJ: So why don't you?

Doom: Mere time travel is not enough to change fanboy hearts. That requires ultimate power.

NWJ: Let's move on to the issue of your opinion on other major Marvel Villains.

Doom: Galactus may be powerful, but where's the cunning plots? The Red Skull may be cunning in a rudimentary way, but compared to Doom he is nothing. Get with the times, nazi villains are such a cliche. Onslaught may have been cunning, but not even Doom could understand enough of that to tell. Thanos needs to work out some issues. The Kingpin got taken down by Daredevil, need I say more? Maybe you should start cutting back on those eight course meals, Wilson. The Mandarin's just a cheap Fu Manchu knock-off. Loki's got even worse dress sense than Thor. And as for Magneto, he must be the most pompous villain around.

NWJ: Well, some might say that you yourself have a slight tendency, and really it's part of your charm-

Doom: I said Magneto is the most pompous villain around.

NWJ: MAGNETO- IS- THE- MOST- POMPOUS- VILLAIN- AROUND- AS- DOOM- COMMANDS. You don't think much of your fellow fiends, then?

Doom: They are all my inferiors. Any other questions? Doom's time grows short.

NWJ: Well, there's the little issue of why your ongoing title Super-Villain Team-Up failed.

Doom: Foolish Marvel Editors decided that I should be defeated at the end of each story unless I was facing a villain.

NWJ: Uh huh.

Doom: What sort of choice is that? Either I'm a good guy or a loser. I don't think that's what the fans want in a Doom story.

NWJ: Well, you do tend to lose in your popular Fantastic Four Silver Age stuff.

Doom: Doom never loses! He merely appears to-

NWJ: We've been over this before.

Doom: Indeed. Now I must away. For even Doom has a schedule to keep, and I'm on Letterman tonight.

NWJ: Well, thanks for the interview, and good luck on the whole "ruling the world" front.

Doom: Luck is for lesser men, not Doom.